Fronting is defined by the Urban Dictionary as:
“A facade. Appearing one way, but really acting another. Misrepresenting yourself.
Ellen, the same one from Walnut Creek, best not front when she tells me she has something for me!”
Everyone has done it. Misrepresentation of self. There are so many reasons to why we front. Impress, influence, manipulate, self-hate, whatever. But at what point does it become too heavy to carry the self made fiction that is reflected when glancing in the mirror?
I don’t’ know about you, but this has been that kind of year. Just all kinds of foolery and bull swanky (thank you Leela James. This is my favorite term now.). Even still, growth comes from the most ugliest of situations and it is in those situations that you find out who you really are.
In a society where it is told that you must look like Barbie, act like Barbie, think like Barbie, etc…being one’s authentic self can be very difficult. You really have to be sure, comfortable, and confident in who you are, and for me I find that through Yeshua (Jesus) and self. Most of my life, I appeased to be what I thought others would like me to be, but that changed after living on the coast of the east. Relocating back to Oklahoma with a changed mindset but surrounded by old ways and familiar boxes were by not by any means beneficial, but as through anything lessons have been learned.
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- Accept the change from within. Being around familiar settings and relationships after developing/awakening to someone that is completely different from who you were can be exhausting, especially if that season is over in your life. I struggled with change because deep down I felt I was being disloyal to my past, relationships and all. It kept me from fully embracing the new that was unfolding before me. Accepting the new thing in your life can be freeing, because through this you accept the change that has occurred internally and externally. An example would be weight loss. There is no point in wearing clothes you can no longer fit. Doing so weighs you down, and covers who you really are. Somethings you have to let go of so you can fully invest in what best fits who you are now.
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- Perfection Is A Myth. You can lose so much progress by condemning yourself because of your shortcomings. We will always struggle with our flesh. We will fall. We will make mistakes. You cannot change that. What you can change is how you handle those mistakes. Learn from them so you don’t become an addict to habit. Grow from them, so you’re not the same person you were 5 years ago. Embrace what you cannot change! Be honest with the truth of who you are, there is no shame in that. Yeshua already knows who you are, and as my sister says, you being honest with Him only creates a more intimate relationship between you. This allows for Him to work through what He knows needs to be removed/developed, but understand it is a process. Do not rush the process. In His timing you will see the blessing while being pruned. Even in this process, some things you disliked about yourself become strengths. That is why it is important to love all of you. You’d be surprised what you consider an issue may be a blessing to someone else.
- The role of someone else is already taken. Comparing your life to someone else will always have you kicking yourself, keeping you on the ground. Once you are comfortable with who you are, you won’t want to be anyone but who Yahweh created you to be. I know for me, this was difficult in particular seasons of “famine” in my life, so I can understand it being difficult to not comparing your life’s progress, your body, etc… to someone else, but during hard times I realized that when I embraced ALL of me, the good, bad, and ugly, I really began to appreciate me. Then I realized ain’t nobody like me, won’t be nobody like me, so Imma throw a party, ayyyyyyyeeee!
So in the words of my boo-thang Bilal:
How long do you crawl through the world?
Through muck and mire used to
We’re all in pain.
Made you strong, ohh
Did you ever get tired to wait, yeah
In your shell anticipate.
Ooold soul.
Be born again.You were born to fly.
When you’re not so shy.
When you’re ready, you’re ready, ohh
Angels smile
Bloom to bloom
Re-creation
Through and through
A colour blue
The morning dew
A summer kiss
Through muck and mire used to
We’re all in pain.
Made you strong, ohh
Did you ever get tired to wait, yeah
In your shell anticipate.
Ooold soul.
Be born again.You were born to fly.
When you’re not so shy.
When you’re ready, you’re ready, ohh
Angels smile
Bloom to bloom
Re-creation
Through and through
A colour blue
The morning dew
A summer kiss
Butterfly
The struggle makes you beautiful
The struggle makes you fly
Spread your wings and be new again.
Butterfly
The struggle makes you beautiful
The struggle makes you fly
Spread your wings and renew again.
This weekend, begin to fall in love with you. Do something for yourself. If walking around in your boy shorts and a sports bra will make you feel super great, do it, and while walking around in your super gear, listen to my boo-thang’s joint entitled Butterfly. I pray it blesses you. Enjoy you. You’re awesome, lovely, and forever a Queen. Blessings.